alone on saint valentine’s day

I’m afraid to be alone on valentine’s day. 
I’m the patron saint of 
being afraid 
being alone. 
how to be alone.. how to be alone? I know how to be alone,
but not on valentine’s day. 
I know how to take myself on dates,
how to love myself more than anyone else,
how to remember that my imperfections are as beautiful
as everyone tells me my eyes are. 
but just like my eyes 
(they’re indecisive, they can’t decide if they’re blue or they’re green)
I keep changing my mind. 
because I want you
but then I want to be alone. 
I want to be held
but without being touched. 
I want to be loved
without being hurt, without being lied to, ashamed, distressed. 
I want to be alone. but

I don’t know how to be alone
on valentine’s day.

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